I wanted to title this blog post “The Beginners Guide to Your Personal Development Journey” but before we do that, there is a level of vulnerability that peeks out when we choose to be better to ourselves. Like, what is motivating us to do this? Why do we want to do this?

We need to dig deeper into ourselves before we make changes in our lives that we may not be ready for yet.

Personal development is exactly what it is. It’s personal. It’s a personal decision within us that is extremely unique from everyone elses. Yes, we want to make these efforts to navigate a better career, make a lot of money or find love, but there are many things within us that we need to fix first. We tend to chase those attributes but don’t realize that we are actually running away from the core of what we are truly in need of.

We can look to our peers and may see them motivated and accomplished and wonder how they do it. We then try to be like them and “do all the right things” but are left feeling empty inside at the end of the day.

I remember when Daniel and I broke up a couple months after Audrina first came home from the hospital. I was petrified and had one of the most hardest times of my life. I was going through very deep depression and I needed to snap out of it so I tried to better myself. I drank water, journaled, went out, worked out and by the end of it felt like a superstar. But I realized these were all temporary highs. When we tried to work on our differences to better our co-parenting relationship, all that superstardom went away. I was still upset at certain things and had an anger deep inside me. That was when I knew, I had a lot to heal within me to be truly honest with myself.

This is why we have to be more in touch with ourselves and fill our internal “cups” before we go out into the real world and follow our pursuit of happiness.

What is your “inner child”?

Your inner-child is an important part of who you are and how you go about your life; in your relationships, your co-working space, your environments, career, goals, etc. Your genetic makeup and past lived experience tells a lot about who you have been molded into.

If you watched The Butterfly Effect starring Ashton Kutcher, it depicted a great representation of how past events can be very telling to one’s future. This movie example might be a bit extreme because there were a lot of turbulent events that happened amongst the characters. Even if your childhood was great, we need to remember that not all of us were that fortunate.

Think about the last time you cried about something or the last time you had a very intense argument. A lot of what we go through and how we react to things is how we were dealt with as children.

How to get started with healing your inner child

You don’t really need much! If you are a writer, crack open a journal. If you are a talker, have an open conversation with a trusted friend.

Did you have supportive caregivers who listened to you? Are you capable of understanding your partner? Or did we have caregivers that didn’t listen to us and now we are left with always wanting to listen to others to give that feeling to others? When we are not heard, do you lash out or detach easily because a chemical in your body reminds you of that past feeling?

Take a moment and listen to yourself and think about these connections.

Tips for success in healing your inner child

When you have that self-awareness that there are still some lingering feelings of toxicity that is inside of you, then you’re already halfway there. Make a promise to yourself that you will prioritize your mental health and better self-care. This is a lifelong journey but when you do this for yourself, you will be lifted off of many burdens.

Common questions/FAQ about healing your inner child

How do you connect to your inner child?

Your inner child will carry you on until adulthood. It is there and very much alive. How we choose to listen to it or neglect it, is how we connect to it. Any of our internal feelings is our inner child speaking.

A child who grew up with caregivers who pressured them to follow their definition of a successful path can reap the repercussions of that kind of pressure in adulthood. The next time that child gets a grade back in university and it’s not an A, then their inner child will likely be crushed from it.

How do you know if you have a wounded inner child?

Usually when there are instances where you react to certain discussions or situations more intensely or even overreacting, then it is likely your inner child holding onto an insecurity or anger from the past that has not yet been healed or nurtured.

Is there any other way aside from therapy that can help me heal my inner child?

There are ways but keep in mind that if there are a lot of suppressed issues and work to be done within you, then therapy must always be considered. Doing this alone can be difficult depending on the severity. However, I understand that it can be expensive and finding the right one can be a process on it’s own. If you choose to forgo therapy, then this will be a journey of trial and error.

What can be a first step is community support or positive influences in your circle. Find a trusted friend that can do some active listening and see if you can navigate your way into what is being suppressed and identify any underlying issues. Focus on one area at a time.

What does “inner child work” mean?

Inner child work can mean bringing in moments or activities that sparked your sacred memories of moments that fed your curiosity and wonder in life. Sometimes we need to tap into our inner child in order to rejuvenate ourselves and make us feel whole again. It is also to recognize that there may be parts in you that are wounded or hurt from past experiences or trauma. Tapping into that as well and identifying how to re-parent that takes work and a special journey to form a greater you in the future.

Why is healing your inner child important?

We go through life with certain expectations of what fills our cup and makes us feel nurtured. We often look for it in people or things. When we do this, we have our expectations cut because there is a lot for that person to take on when you look for others to fill something in you that only you can do. When it is done this way, a lot of relationships can go through many obstacles so when we take on a journey within ourselves and be that “person” ourselves, we do so much better in a lot of aspects of our lives that no one can do better than us.

The Last Thing You Need to Know about healing your inner child

Before we begin a personal development journey, we need to keep in mind that it starts with that voice inside you that is calling out for better nurturing. We want to be better because something inside us has been left behind or has been hurt. And the only person who can help nurture that is ourselves…if we choose to be honest with ourselves.

It is our inner child that wants to be heard and before we read more on how to make self improvements and have this beautiful personal journey, we must dive deeper into the realms of what is inside us that are still hurting, still wounded and longing for love.