Getting Pregnant After 9 Years…

from “young parent” to “rich” parent

I dedicate this post to my best friend Salina. Sometimes you need that friend to push you to take that leap of faith...even when that lep of faith is a pregnancy stick.

It was around June 2020 when Daniel and I announced our pregnancy on Instagram and was incredibly blessed with the positive energy we received online. It’s a pretty cool feeling visualizing a community out there that secretly cheer you on and want the best for you and your family. But girl, let me tellllll you. The reception we got was a complete 360 in comparison to our pregnancy with Audrina. People asked, was this planned and the answer was DEFINITELY, not. I was so sure that Audrina was a God sent and what we needed to mold our lives to make us better people. You know, like when the universe grants you a trial or difficult experience and it’s not until much later do you realize, had that not been in your life, you wouldn’t be where you are today; (hopefully) better and wiser.

We were nineteen/twenty years old back in 2011 and have only been dating for 6 months. A lot of disappointment came with telling our parents because no one needed or wanted any of that potential drama. Imagine having to tell strict Filipino parents that the white boy my mom once gave a lecture to on a Wednesday night about bringing me home early from dates – got me pregnant. That moment was probably one of the most nerve-wracking and seemingly dangerous confrontations I ever had to go through. In addition to that, being a young, unwed girl who wasn’t even making a full-time income made me look even more stigmatized. We never planned to tell anyone else or get excited about it because of the shame we felt and the shame our parents felt at the time. Long story short, Daniel and I were just two, hot mess individuals with no direction in life and we didn’t know how to plan for a baby.

I mentioned something along the lines of “not wanting to create a child that was made out of wedlock again”

Well, it’s been almost 10 years later and …I still don’t have a full-time job and still not married buuut that’s a whole other story on its own. If ever do you feel stagnant in life, just think of me, you’re not alone! 

I actually made a joke at a baptism one time about our plans on reproducing. It’s always for certain that when you go to a family function you get the occasional “aRe YoU GoIng tO hAvE aNyMore?!#%^” question. That day, a few of Daniel’s extended family kept asking us about a potential “second one”. We were already set on just having the one! But of course, the Chandler Bing came out of me and tried to be funny but just ended up being awkward and uncomfortable. I felt like I was on the show “Naked and Afraid” If I had to describe it as such. I mentioned something along the lines of “not wanting to create a child that was made out of wedlock again” hahaha *buddap bump, PSH*. Yeah exactly, they made the same exact face you’re making right now! No one even pretended to laugh. It was at that moment where I envied the little girl being baptized as I was the one that wanted to be dunked in holy water after that conversation.

Okay, but to be totally honest and real, I don’t care about marriage and following those conventional steps. It just sounds cuter. Like when you go up to a receptionist or a school teacher … or even a Karen, and tell them that you and your husband are expecting a second child. Or, “mah huuuusband and I are hosting Christmas dinner”. You know, that whole Southern, white picket fence vibe. Imagine being almost 30 and talking to Karen about your boyfriend and your child. Knowing Karen, she’ll low-key question whether this “boyfriend” of yours is your baby daddy because he’s not your husband. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with that but of course, society makes it feel awkward. I always refer Daniel as “my partner” but if Daniel is nowhere to be seen or if I don’t mention his name, then I would give off a lesbian vibe. Well, at least Karen would assume that I was. How do I know? I TRIED it. I was talking to Revenue Canada and mentioned “my partner” and the lady legit asked me “what is his OR her name?” It was freakin awesome. Welcome to 2020!

Anyways, marriage and my girl Karen aside, there was a lot of personal work and goals we had to tackle despite the roadblocks we had to face only been dating for a very short amount of time and dealing with a pretty long term commitment.

It definitely got difficult most of the time… all of the time!

Daniel and I managed to survive ten years of what felt like a long-distance relationship but surprisingly, we’re still going strong! I always joked about how incompatible we are as individuals (but low-key I mean it). First of all, our astrological signs don’t even match and our hobbies and personalities were/are so different. What kept us aligned though, were our values and our entire outlook on what we wanted for our family. And I feel like that’s what matters the most at the end of the day. Our future goals were always a priority whether that be financial goals or having our own home. We had to make a lot of sacrifices which lead to a lot of arguments in having to be apart and living with our parents up until Audrina was 8! We actually had a schedule where we only saw each other at the end of the week. It definitely got difficult most of the time…all of the time! When you hear the notion, “sacrifices are hard” trust me when I say, it really is when you’re committed to them in the long run even when the silver lining looks like a dot.

I was able to prove to myself that I had some kind of potential in the time being. Your girl earned her way through an honours bachelor’s degree on top of hustling $$$. Daniel got a secure full-time job and once we got things going independently, we put a down payment on a (second) home together in 2018. Most importantly, we both managed to raise our beautiful and healthy nine-year-old (again, in a very unconventional way but THAT is a different story on its own).

So here we are now, pregnant with child number 2 with a 9 year age gap but THIS time with so much better ammo in addition to happier Filipino parents.

Now, going back to the most highly asked questions, “Was this planned?” 

As Rachel Green once cleverly said, “you know, you can do everything right and one of those little guys just gets through!”

Episode: “The One After I Do” for anyone wondering

There was absolutely no, “hey babe, I’m ovulating, let’s put on our suavemente seduction with some Marvin Gaye background and get it on” routine. The only way I can describe it is by referencing Friends. Rachel Green once cleverly said, “you know you can do everything right and one of those little guys just gets through!” That is exactly what happened to us!

We found out at the beginning of February but I already knew at the end of January once I started gagging to any food that had a smell. I couldn’t bear to open our pantry because of the subtle smell of onion powder in our spice rack which apparently, didn’t smell for anyone else. Daniel would look at me oddly whenever I had to hold my breath or shove my hair up my nose to avoid any smell.

I was over at my friend Salina’s house when she also started noticing my pregnancy symptoms. Then it was even more apparent when I told her about my constant nausea for weeks. She looked at me like, “GIIIIIIRRRL” and then I looked at her like “GIIIIIIIIIIRL”.

Now, a small backstory of how my psychology works. When it comes to health, I get super freaked out when things seem “off”. However, I never liked going to the doctors out of fear (and why would you anyways when you have Dr. Google?) 

I visited Salina again a week after and told her that I couldn’t get myself to see my doctor and of course, with her big, beautiful, judgmental eyes, she was like “GIIIIRRRL”.

So my clever friend of mine did some reverse psych on my ass and went on about how my symptoms does not necessarily mean that I could be pregnant. She said she knew “people” who had nausea and fatigue and when they got checked it was actually cases of “other” things and some of those “people” took too long to detect it thus, made their “condition” worse. 

Soooo OF COURSE, I started freaking out! Then she goes “OR YOU CAN JUST BE PREGNANT” with a smile on her face. I’m like wellll, I better be pregnant now, if you’re telling me the next case scenario is that I have some kind of underlying disease! Thinking there can actually be something wrong with me and with my fear of fatal illnesses, I took a day off work on a Sunday and had Daniel come with me to my doctors (what pushed me even more was feeling extremely off and sick).

We went to my walk-in doctor who was really good. He once wrote me a note for modified workload so I knew he would have my back. We came in and I took a pregnancy test (because you know your girl was not going to pay 20 dollars when my tax dollar investment can do it for me!). Once we got the results, my doctor closed the door and said my test was positive and asked what the next steps should be. I was like hoold on, and made Daniel come in because there was no way I was going to relive my 19 year old positive pregnancy result in a doctors office again. Daniel couldn’t have had a “blah” reaction. I can’t even describe it. His response to the doctor was, “okay.”

We left the hospital and walked back to our car with my man holding the door for me. I kept joking around after that making comments like, “make way for the pregnant lady!” Or, the pregnant lady needs to eat something! 

We definitely talked about the future and our next steps. We thought about our estimated due date being “October-ish” and imagined how excited our family and friends would be for us. We thought about our third bedroom that we used for storage and imagining what Audrina’s reaction would be. Surely, we thought about how stable we are this time around; in our relationship, finances, living situation etc., And above all, the potential we have as much better parents. We definitely thought about my health complications and how that was a major factor, but there were a lot of support for us and better things we have put in our lives that made us not so scared about that very moment.

Again, Daniel could not have had a better reaction of dullness with his response saying “…Okay”.

And okay it was, we were going to be fine this time.

– The Rich Parent